someone threw a dead crab at me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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