i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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