Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
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You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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