you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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