i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize