No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize