I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
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i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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