Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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