She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
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I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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