the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize