Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize