im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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