you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
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Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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