seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have aggressive nipples.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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