Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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