The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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