1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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