You're completely useless in the revolution.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
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I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
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Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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