I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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