i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
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In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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