i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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