oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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