Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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