As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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