I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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