better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
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Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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