Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
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Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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