You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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