Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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