K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
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Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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