I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
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Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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