These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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