First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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