So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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