i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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