My nipple is on Facebook.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Still dying that you shit outside
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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