he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
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God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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