You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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