I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize