guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
from now on my penis is your penis
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize