put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I am midnight drunk by noon
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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