Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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