Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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