So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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