My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
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NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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