The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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