Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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