so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
this hospital has no fireball
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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