I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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