Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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